still posting from the future. i wanna talk about three different things, which are these:

memories

they're not real, they're dreams built out of our previous saved states of the manifest world. if you didn't know that, well, there you go. if you knew it already, let's continue. my brain is mostly concerned with the present (about 75%), and the future (20%), and rarely the past (5%). memories are data that might prove useful when dealing with the present or the future. when you solve the problem at hand, memories can be discarded or stored, and recalled only if needed again. some memories are pleasant, and it's good to revisit them for the purpose of present entertainment, but recycling memories for pleasure, while alright, can become addictive and make you forget about the present. some people use memories to feel bad, and that seems to me like a waste both of the past and the present. if you're gonna feel bad about something, start with the present. remembering too many bad things for pleasure can become addictive and make you forget about the present. art is like a memory that plays out in the present, and while it can be beautiful, obsessing over art for pleasure can become addictive and make you forget about the present. don't forget about the present, don't escape into the past, the future, or the imagined presents of other people. be here now. love is now.

selfies

when you have something you really like, you feel inclined to share it with other people. if you see a fun movie, you might want other people to see the movie too, so that they can enjoy it as well. if they don't enjoy it, that shouldn't affect how you feel about the movie. you get to have a personal relationship with an artwork. you like a song, you want other people to listen to it. maybe people will understand you better if they understand the movies you like, the music you like, the books you read, the paintings you enjoy studying. you can identify with the enjoyment of a work, or the lessons obtained from engaging with it, without identifying with the work itself. you can enjoy a work without needed other people to validate your enjoyment of it. this is what is called "pure enjoyment", which is a kind of enjoyment that doesn't depend on others, that is not dependent on the actual work itself but rather on the outcome of engaging with it, and that inspires you to spread either the thing enjoyed, or what you learned from enjoying it. this is one of our main tools for learning, and making other people learn things. this is one of our main tools for communicating without having to express ourselves, and making people understand us without having to reveal all our cards to them.

a selfie is a picture, either artistic or functional, that a person takes of themselves to either collect or share with other people. a person might like their own selfies, because they express things that otherwise would be nearly impossible to communicate in any other form, such as the physical experience of being in the particular body that you are, or because they are, aesthetically speaking, pleasant or satisfactory in their opinion — much like a musician might enjoy their own songs because they like the outcome of the work put on writing and recording them. some people post selfies to validate their own ideas or opinions of their own body, and they're to selfies what movie fanboys are to giant blockbusters they like but other people didn't like as much, or arrogant artists that refute any criticism of their work on the basis of not "understanding" what the work is about. this is not a problem of selfies, but a problem with how people relate and identify with media, and what that media means to them. selfies aren't bodies, they're a dream of a temporal snapshot of a particular body in time and space, that you can store on a canvas, either digital or physical. they are inherently not real because they're representations of reality, merely an incomplete duplicate of an interpretation of a momentary state of reality. much like we communicate emotions and ideals through art, so can those very things be communicated through self-portraiture.

how much they care

effort doesn't translate to interest. i've spent entire days working on things that i don't particularly care about, only to delete them or leave them forgotten on some desk. what i care about can't be measured by how much time i've dedicated to it. "why do you care so much?" is a dangerous question because it assumes things that can't be really determined just by outside observation. i've been a musician for 15 years. i don't really care about music. i like some music. most of what i've heard is irrelevant to me. i've heard entire discographies from artists i don't like, not because i cared, but because i wanted to figure them out. i like figuring things out. especially things i don't care about, so i can maybe care one day. in this moment, i only care about a dozen things, beyond the minutes or so in which they're relevant to me. i will list these things below:

• the people and one animal inside my home, including myself
• the people i'm talking with on the phone at least weekly
• my few close relatives and their loved ones
• at least one gamedev project i am currently actively working on
• at least one woman i talk to on email
• also another woman i talk to on telegram
• and also another woman i talk to on instagram
• a man i talk with at least once a week
• at least one national institution i have some pending dealings with
• the city i currently live in
• also one city in a different country, which is relevant to certain projects i'm working on
• at least two pieces of technology in my home, which seem to be having problem working correctly
• at least one sequel to a mainstream blockbuster movie in the superhero genre
• the final season of one streaming series i'm currently watching
• the overall outcome of this global pandemic, as it relates to my plans and survival, and the survival of those i care about
• at least one animated series i am trying to finish watching in the upcoming days or weeks

everything else is only relevant as it's present in my life. i understand a lot of people think this list is, or should be, longer but sincerely it's long enough. i've come to learn that the most important skill for someone as involved with reality as me is to learn to separate my problems from other people's problems, and then ignore the latter and work on solving what's actually relevant to me. eventually my stack of preocuppations will be clear or smaller, and i will be able to attend to situations more distant from my current reality, but as you can see, i've got enough on my desk as is.

🡄 back